now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
