thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I think im going to throw up on grandma
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
