So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
