Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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