I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize