The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
