I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
