garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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