I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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