Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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