All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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