yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I smell like Dick and happiness
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
