No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
