so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
