She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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