If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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