You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
