I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
