Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
