Your tits are I can't wait for
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize