Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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