Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize