how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
