YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
