oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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