Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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