I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
