I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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