It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have tasted many bathrooms
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
