i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
