Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
