just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize