So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
please come you make the beer taste better
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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