hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
