this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
