I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
