new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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