u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
