Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize