In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
