my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
