The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize