I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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