question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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