honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
