She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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