I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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