That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
