he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
someone owes me an orgasm
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
