I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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