Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
