eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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