Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
