at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
