I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
