A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
