Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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