what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
