I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
