someone get that fucking seahorse.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize