If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize