We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
