So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
