I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
