Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
